University of Michigan Appointment

Well, the appointment did not go well. They did another ultrasound and Eli weighs 3 lbs 12 ounces and his heartbeat was 143 bpm, which are both very good. However, there is no kidney function, no amniotic fluid around the baby and his chest measurement is very small. The heart should not cross over the midline of the chest and Eli's crosses very far over meaning that the chest is small and that the lungs are small as well. If the lungs were bigger, the heart would not be able to cross over so far into the chest and the chest would have grown bigger to be able to accommodate the bigger lungs. This is very bad news... Probably the worst news possible in our situation. Without normal sized lungs, the likelihood of Eli being able to breathe is very small. The kidney problems do not even matter at this point. They could always do kidney dialysis and transplants in the future, but none of that can even be considered without the ability to breathe. The most important thing is his ability to breathe, and with lungs this small it is very unlikely.

The Amnioinfusion (where fluid is injected around the baby) is not an option in our situation. The procedure typically only increases the fluid for a couple of days and is typically only used to help see the baby better to make a diagnosis, but since we already know what is wrong with Eli this procedure would not benefit him in any way. The fluid they insert does not act in the same way as amniotic fluid, so it will not help his lungs develop. It is also a very risk procedure that could cause infection for me or the baby or could cause premature labor. So, U of M would not recommend this procedure.

I'm still holding onto hope for a miracle, but I also have to face the reality that we may not have much time with our little boy once he is born. The doctor cannot tell us for sure, but she estimates that he may live anywhere from 1 - 12 hours after birth. The only good thing is that, according to the doctor, he will not be in any pain and he will not suffer. When a baby cannot breathe it is very different than when an adult cannot breathe. An adult knows what it feels like to breathe and understands what is happening to them when all of a sudden they cannot take a breath, therefore, most of their pain is caused by panic. The panic of knowing they cannot breathe and will die. A newborn does not have this understanding and this panic. So, the doctor says it is not painful in any way for the baby. After he is born he will attempt to take short, fast breaths but most likely his lungs will not be able to handle it. Of course they will attempt to give Eli oxygen and see if his lungs can handle it, but if they are not developed enough then the doctors will stop since there is nothing more they can do. They will do their best to keep him comfortable by keeping him warm and wrapped in blankets. During that time we will get to hold him and say our goodbyes.

This is the hardest thing Nick and I have ever been through and maybe ever will go through. While he is in my belly he is doing just fine... healthy as can be since he doesn't need to breathe yet. He is getting all of his oxygen and nutrients from the cord, but once he is born that will most likely all change very quickly.

For all of you who have babies of your own, please cherish those little babies! They are truly God's miracles. I just wish everyone understood that. For some people it comes easy and they will never understand our situation completely until they have been in our shoes (and I hope none of you ever have to go through this). Just please always remember how amazing those little boys/girls are. It's NOT about what gender you have or what they look like. It's about experiencing their firsts... their first smile, first laugh, first steps and so on... We may never get to experience those things with Eli. The most important thing is your baby's health and some people take that for granted. So, all that I ask is that you take a look at your precious child and thank God for him/her everyday. Please pray for our strength through this and also please pray for a MIRACLE. God is the Divine Physician, so we will never give up hope. Thank you everyone for your support through all of this. Your thoughts and prayers have helped us so much!! We love you all!

31 Weeks 4 Days